When I met J., she was working at a makeup counter at Bonwit Teller on 57th Street. I was living nearby, in circumstances I will explain some other time, and working a few blocks away, also at a makeup counter, at a trendy sportswear store called Jag. I was 19.
She was blue-eyed, with a haystack of brown hair and a ready smile, and we became fast friends. She lived in an apartment in the northern New Jersey town where she’d grown up, and one weekend she invited me to join her out there. We were sitting on her queen-sized bed, getting ready for a party, when she asked me if I’d ever been in a ménage à trois. “Not with a girl,” I said. “But I’ve always wanted to.”
We locked eyes. “Me too,” she said. We never made it to the party. We hardly left her apartment at all that weekend, except to meet her parents, which was interesting in my trembling state of bliss. We dated for a few months, until she acquired a boyfriend who for some reason didn’t like the idea of her having a girlfriend. I was heartbroken, but I understood. I never saw her again, but I hope she still thinks of me fondly, as I do of her.
She was my first female lover, but not my last. I have always identified as bisexual, although I’m actually more trisexual, in that I will try anything with anybody under the right circumstances. I’m probably at about a 2.5 on the Kinsey scale (with 1 being the most hetero and 6 the most homo), though I have had far more men as lovers than women – perhaps because I’m so girly that most lesbians assume I’m straight.
According to a recent study, most women’s sexuality is fairly fluid, whether they act upon it or not. I’m glad mine is – as Woody Allen once said, it doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. And it also brings you to a whole different range of sensations.
Two young women I love a lot recently became engaged, and my dearest wish for them is that in their lifetimes they’ll be able to live wherever they wish without fear of prejudice. Being able to marry wherever they like would be a good first step, and one of my few quibbles with Mr. Obama is that he doesn’t support that right.
Unless no marriages are state-sanctioned, all people who want to pledge eternal love to each other (and who aren't minors or closely related) should have the right to marry the person they love. (Agree? Visit the Human Rights Campaign.)